Yesterday saw many fathers receiving handmade cards, bottles of wine and breakfast-in-bed as their nearest and dearest gave them much deserved attention. That’s what Father’s Day is all about, a moment to reflect and a show of gratitude. So surely, when Google decided to give a little Father’s Day reminder to its members they were doing a good thing? Yes?
It all started innocently enough. On Sunday users of the rather fabulous Google Gmail service saw the following message displayed in their chat window - ‘Reminder: Call dad’. On face value this seems like a caring touch from a company that likes to interact with its users. But it was not seen this way by all.
Alexia Tsotsis, the author of a Techcrunch article, highlighted that the message upset a ‘sizable number of people who for one reason or another weren’t able to call their fathers yesterday’.
So was this a fail from Google? I think it was, yes.
But, regardless of what I feel, I think that the reactions to Google illustrate one important point.
As a writer using social media to build an audience for my books, I am painfully aware that my output is watched, consumed and, sometimes, criticised. I use Twitter, Facebook and my blog, but the approach is the same for each. I almost feel that I have a duty to my readers.
Though social media is indeed social, no message, be it a tweet or blog post, is fit for all. What for one person is heart-warming, for another is offensive and for some devastating. At the moment I almost feel that I play it all too safe (and fail) in trying to please too many people.
So my question is twofold: Is this a fail for Google? And, do we all need to think more deeply before we hit that send button, or submit our latest blog post?
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I for one am glad I didn’t see the Google reminder. It has been bad enough seeing Father’s Day reminders and photos in shops since May 1998, when my dad died, let alone the sudden surge of ‘post your dad’s pic on Facebook’ and the like which I’ve seen recently.
I think all people, not only writers, need to think before they hit send. I read everything twice before I send it, and if it’s a ‘heated subject’ or I am angry when replying I sometimes save it and come back to it.
But I think you do a lovely job with your blog and I have never yet been offended
I think the ‘post a pic of your dad’ caused problems for others too. Some people don’t have a dad they can mourn, some have dads who have been abusive and just possibly yesterday was difficult for them too. People get excited and jump onto things, it’s simple.
There is no pleasing every person, I’ve realised that over the last few years and there have been occasions when I’ve tweeted something that really REALLY has offended someone. I did that last week and caused a whole load of trouble. I think the thing to remember is that sometimes people unintentionally cause upset. That’s fine. It’s the intentional ones that wind me up the most.
I agree with Juliette. I certainly don’t want to see messages telling me not to forget to phone my Mum or my Dad when they’re both dead. I also don’t appreciate generic marketing messages telling me not to forget to do this, that or the other for my children when I don’t have children and I feel sad about it. I actually don’t think it takes much thought for marketing departments etc to realise that some messages shouldn’t be sent out in a blanket mailing to everyone because they are potentially upsetting or offensive.
Gosh, didn’t mean to rant quite so much. Sorry x
Not a rant at all! I actually think it’s more a reflection on some companies seeing everyone as the same. And we’re, clearly and thankfully, not. x
It isn’t possible not to upset anyone ever. I’m very well aware that assuming my baby is born safe and well and I say so on fb, some of my friends will find that very painful because they have lost babies or because they have been unable to have them. Hell I’m aware that even walking around town my bump will be painful for some people to see; at times it was incredibly painful for me to see pregnant women.
But this is a very timely reminder for everyone, as Juliette says above, to be aware of what we say and how people may respond to it.
I also agree with Juliette though in that I think you walk the line very successfully.
But the point is that you’re aware and you understand that other people will react based on their own personal experiences. We are all different.
And, I can’t wait to hear about baby’s safe arrival. Travel safely, little one x
The worst thing is that I wouldn’t wish that understanding on anyone… but once you see it you start to see it everywhere. At first I only saw how hard Mothers’ Day was for babylost mums but then I started to realise that it’s hard for SO many different people for SO many different reasons. There is so much pain out there. Sometime I’m amazed that anyone ever accomplishes anything when so many people carry the weight of grief and pain and hurt for so many different reasons.
Keep everything crossed for us? xxx
I will catch myself thinking “dad will think that’s funny” or “I’ll tell dad that” or something along those lines every day for the rest of my life, an e-mail from Google wouldn’t have made a jot of difference one way or another to that, or to how much I miss him. However there are probably a lot of dads in the world whose dopey teenage sons only remembered what day it was because they opened their e-mail account on Sunday. All those dads got a phone call that probably made their week. That is a good thing, I think.
I think we often worry a little too much about offending people. The Google example is a perfect example. However clumsy, or cynically connected to a marketing campaign the ‘Reminder: Call Dad’ message was, it clearly wasn’t intended to offend. I may not be able to call my dad, but I can remember him. I can remember he was the best dad ever. Which isn’t such a terrible thing to do with my time.
My dad was 59 when he died. If I learnt one thing from the experience, it is that life is too short to be offended by something as innocuous as a one-size-doesn’t-quite-fit-all advertising campaign.
(Of course having said all that, I am now wondering if this comment will offend people, and hoping it won’t.)
Benjamin, you’re practically Pollyanna! And this is a great response. I wasn’t actually just thinking about loss when I formed my opinions for this post. I guess I was thinking that not all dads are good folk and that, for some, is amazingly painful and devastating. The grief is for the ‘what can never be’. I do however think you have a fabulous point about life being too short. Life is all about living and believing and dreaming and connecting and writing. Simples! x
I am anti-Father’s Day. Unlike Mother’s Day, or Mothering Sunday, which has a long and noble history, Father’s Day was an invention of card manufacturers. So I have told my girls not to send me cards - they still called but I speak to both on a weekly, if not daily, basis.
But to your point: although I do not believe Google is an altruistic company, no company is, the thought was well-intentioned. However, Google is in the business of social relations and someone somewhere in the organisation should have thought a little more carefully about the making such a sweeping invitation based on the assumptions, as it was, that every child has loving dad, an existing dad, or a dad that they ever see or can see.
Exactly. What you said. Exactly! x
[My last post was set as an exercise for any budding proof readers out there.]
I think everyone needs to pause a second before pressing send, not just writers. But we all have areas of our lives about which we are sensitive and we can’t necessarily expect others to know what they are, so to a certain extent it is our own responsibility to step back from those who upset us, however innocently. This would include marketing campaigns, just delete the email or ignore the post.
I post and tweet a lot about disabilty as it is such an important part of my family’s life, but in trying to share information with friends who inhabit the same world I’m sure I alienate others who don’t. That’s life. I equally get upset about some often very mundane things others write and have to remind myself that they don’t walk in my shoes so can’t be expected to understand. As long as people aren’t directly offensive it’s best just to move on.
Wise words, I guess the argument is that users couldn’t simply delete and perhaps the ‘surprise’ element shocked. You’re right though, moving on is the best way and also stepping away from those who are deliberate in their abuse/offensive reactions. x
Father’s Day generally seemed an empty thing to me, I think. Perhaps that’s overstating the case, but that was the day you “had” to get something for your Dad (same goes for Mother’s Day and all the other days in which the meaning has been swamped by commercial concerns), whereas the really special memories of him are from…well, everyday life and the many things it throws up, however mundane, unexpected, poignant etc.
I respect that some people will be bothered/upset by the Google thing - I’ve had my moments with similar things, I’m pretty sure. But I feel that if I were upset by the Google message, then maybe (though it doesn’t necessarily follow) I would feel upset or resentful at the many card shops selling Father’s Day cards and all the rest. No, I’m indifferent to those things 99% of the time because plenty of time has passed since he died, and because again it doesn’t feel like a personal dig: it’s as meaningless to me as the commercialisation I mentioned.
I think it’s generally good to be aware of the information that you put out there, in a social context, but you have to be equally careful not to censor yourself to the point where there’s nothing left to feel safe saying without it being heavily diluted. I mention this because I feel it’s a tendency I have within myself, even though when I feel like I’ve taken a risk with something I’ve said/posted, it’s almost without fail been taken in the intended spirit.
I think I’m more offended, personally, by the notion that Father’s Day and the rest “have” to be celebrated on a particular date in the calendar, when the meaning has long since been overtaken by cheap consumerism.
I think you’re spot on about card shops, but I guess people can choose to avoid… possibly not. I hate bought cards for special occasions, I really do. And you’re also right about censoring me. The censoring of myself is making me diluted and it’s a concern, something I’m really struggling with at the moment. I miss my early blogging, when I got to spill and knew that only people I cared for were listening x
As regards card shops, yes I think people can choose to avoid, definitely. I didn’t want to assert that point too strongly, but I suppose I wonder if things like that (or their contextual equivalent) seem more visible/inescapable if one is feeling vulnerable/sensitive. I don’t know, just musing really: but I remember (swapping contexts here) that in the month before I was to go to hospital for a minor procedure which required general anaesthetic, I seemed to hear more media reports on surgery disasters, people being conscious during operations, etc, than I’ve ever heard in my lifetime…
Just for clarity, I didn’t intend to refer specifically to you in terms of self-censorship, I meant it in a generic way - but I can appreciate that it’s a concern for you, and I can empathise with that in a lot of ways. I should think/hope, also, that there are positives and negatives in that struggle.
I miss those early blogging days too.
*sigh*
x
I don’t you weren’t referring specifically to me. Fear not, lovely man! Context and all that
But, oh, for those early blogging days…. *cue a flashback to where we all have big hair* x
Father’s Day is one day I always skip over but never get offended by the media’s obsession with it. But as for pressing the button, I too have recently hesitated, after writing a critique of the Hay Festival. I believe posting it would go against me later on so decided not to press the button. The very activity of clicking ‘send’ or ‘post’ can now do more harm than good in an ever politically correct world.
I’m nodding my head. I have a number of posts in draft that I dare not ever post. They either reveal too much about me or say too much that could offend. It’s a concern.
Yes and no. I think we need to remember that not everyone will have our perspective. But you also can’t please everyone. I think the line is when you put things out there in such a way that it presented as the appropriate standard “Call your dad” as opposed to just your perspective. Google could have easily said, “remember the special dads in your life.” Or asked a question, “Who is the greatest father figure in your life?” that would have made the message more expansive, more inclusive. But I don’t want to see people limiting writing about their experiences just because others might not share that experience. If you’re sharing your truth as YOUR truth, then I say share it. I might not agree with it, but I can respect it. And maybe share MY truth and we can learn something from each other.
I think Google’s problem is that they saw everyone as the same, not allowing for individual perspective and experience. Opinion is clearly split. There’s such a balance to be had and I feel that when you are open and honest, then you’re more likely to meet with like-minded people… but that’s more a reflection of the people I’ve connected with through blogging.
If that message had arrived on my screen, I’d have been seriously upset. Google should be using the internet responsibly - ‘cold-calling’ in such a personal manner is not acceptable.
As to thinking before we post, we all get it wrong at times. I am adept at putting my little fat feet in my mouth. Comes with the writer’s territory, I suspect.
Oh Mary, I often tweet out something and then realise that some of my twitter friends won’t realise I was being sarcastic, so delete. The online world is the perfect playground for miscommunication. It’s how it ticks x
I think it was foolishly insensitive on their part. I have enjoyed their ad campaign though, the one with the dad writing to his little girl makes me cry every time! I think its a tricky business as what we say and do every day could always offend someone at some point. Everyone has the right to an opinion and I dont agree we should censor everything for fear or offending. I just think what they did could have involved a bit more common sense and thought.
And you’re right, there’s a fine line between censoring and offending. I’ve enjoyed their ad campaign too.