Nik Perring - Not So Perfect

(Note to reader: I’ve a copy of ‘Not So Perfect’ to give away and all details can be found at the end of this post)

“22 short short stories; 22 not so perfect lives, where bird watchers come out at night, couples perform love surgery, and a woman is throwing up animals.

The extraordinary is everywhere, but an unsettling familiarity pervades.

Nik Perring’s brilliant debut collection demonstrates the underestimated powers of brevity. Intricately crafted and filled with dark humour, his 22 stories examine the conundrums and contradictions of human relationships, and ask us what it is to be human at all.”

I’ve made no secret of the fact that Nik Perring is my friend. Perhaps I don’t say it enough, but I’m so proud that he is. Nik Perring is an amazing writer. He plays with words, manipulates them into teeny tiny mouthfuls of deliciousness. He is the Willy Wonka of short short stories. He is a word wizard. He is a manipulator of worlds. Like I said, I’m proud. But what makes this friendship almost irrelevant is that I’m not the only person who thinks that Nik is an amazing writer. There are reviews all over the web, there is such a buzz surrounding this, his very brilliant debut.

‘Not So Perfect’ is a beautiful collection. Lost love, abandonment, longing, sex, lust, purity, food, this collection takes the mundane, the everyday and twirls it into a twisted image that will make you coo. Nik Perring is poetic, he is lyrical, he has the power to control a reader’s emotion with the flick of a few words.

‘Not So Perfect’ is an unforgettable assortment of wonky connections that glitter with truthfulness, that spill out ache, that made me nod my head and whisper, yes. I urge you to buy this beautifully quirky small square book.

Asking Nik:

And now for something a little bit different… I have read ‘Not So Perfect’ many times now and in each I have found something new. These are my questions, each relating (in order) to a story in the collection…

1 Which is best teriyaki, hot pot or madras? Teriyaki, without doubt. I actually cook quite a mean Teriyaki. With prawns. Oh yes.

2 What made Paul Hart a good kisser? What makes any good kisser! It’s all in the technique. And, of course, it’s all the opinion of who’s being kissed.

3 Have you ever thought of strawberries when you’ve been frightened? It’s actually a coping mechanism/exercise given to those who suffer from panic attacks. Thinking of something like fruit focuses the mind on something other than being scared. And yes, I probably have!

4 Describe Shark Boy’s notebook and handwriting. I think Shark Boy’s notebook would be functional and smart. Nothing snazzy, just something that works and that can stand up to the rigours of a hard working scientist.

His writing, not that I’ve seen it, (he never had time to stop and show me) would be precise and neat. I think Shark Boy would like to get it right. And getting it right would give him plenty to think about…

5 Have you ever met a Lucy? I’m not sure I have, and if I had she’d have no cause to be cross with me – certainly not to the point where I’d end up singed! I have, however, been shouted at by someone who might not have been all that different…

Actually, I think Lucy’s quite lovely and I would like to meet someone like her.

6 Which pet would you prefer a lemur, a tortoiseshell kitten or a rat? I’d always have said kitten – and seeing the pictures of your new two has definitely confirmed that!

7 Do you have a favourite scarecrow and would you ever blow him/her up? Yes I do. He’s everyone’s favourite scarecrow: the magnificently lovely Worzel Gummidge (we have a lot in common). And I can’t think of anything worse than blowing him up (and that’s including putting him on the bonfire or burying him in the compost heap!).

8 Are you prefect or not so perfect? Definitely Not so perfect. I could be improved on. Greatly.

9 What was the last thing you fixed? Myself a drink, I imagine. I’m not very good at fixing things, to be honest. I’m better at making them up.

10 Which of the Mr Men would you read last? I always liked Mr Bump, so I’d probably save him for the end.

11 What would be your choice of restaurant on a first date? That would depend on what the lady wanted, of course. Japanese perhaps? Or somewhere that does good Thai food.

12 Would you ever give away your heart? Yes. But after last time I’d be very, very, careful about who to.

13 Describe the last bird that you watched. I must admit – I do really like birds and I’m always watching them. The last one I paid any attention to was a nuthatch I’d seen from my office window the other day. Lovely things – kind of like a kingfisher crossed with a badger.

14 What did the telegram from The Other Mr Panossian say? Ha! Well, if there was indeed a telegram I think it might have contained a truth that was not universally acknowledged!

15 What are the pieces that mark the last year of your life? A beautiful square book, a lovely wand, a black pen, a bottle of red ink, a cake, a tea cup, a shaving razor, a hug, and a watch with a rectangular face (which, actually, has stopped).

16 What beer does James drink? I don’t think he’s all that fussy. Cheap lager would be my guess. We’d probably get on.

Though if I knew him I’d probably suggest he tried Cisk; I’ve heard good things…

17 What is Michael’s PIN number? 1981 and I’ve got his verification number too if you want it.

18 Do you use a potato peeler or a knife to peel potatoes? A knife, because I know how to use it! More manly than a peeler too!

19 What is at the bottom of your ‘Things To Do’ list? Relaxing. Having time off. A holiday. Though I know they shouldn’t be.

20 Do you believe in angels? Not the religious kind, no. There are some exceptionally special people out there though and I think they’re as close to angels as you’re likely to get. There are some brill angels in fiction – I especially love the gay ones in The Amber Spyglass and the one in Etgar Keret’s, Hole in the Wall.

21 How do you take your coffee? Actually, I don’t. Tea for me, every time. And then it’s milk and half a sugar, thank you very much. Are you putting the kettle on?

22 How would you spend your last night on Earth? I think I’d like to spend it with someone who wanted to spend it with me. Though I’d be more likely to be found cowering under a table, or trying to clear my inbox!

And Faye at Roast Books has agreed that I can give away a copy of ‘Not So Perfect: Stories’. All you have to do is leave a ‘please pick me’ comment by 3pm (GMT) June 7, then I’ll pop all names in a mug and ask a small child to select a winner. This competition is open to all.

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About Nik: Nik Perring is a writer, and occasional teacher of writing, from the north west. His short stories have been published widely in places including SmokeLong Quarterly, 3 :AM and Word Riot. Not So Perfect, his debut collection of short, short stories is published by Roast Books on June 2^nd. Nik blogs here and his website’s here.