Because some of you have asked and others are searching online to know…
The story begins when my grandparents met during WWII, my grandma was Maltese and Catholic and my granddad was a soldier, non-Catholic and a Geordie. They fell in love and it caused all sorts of problems and ostracism. My grandparents did marry and my mum was born in Malta, but they all moved back to Newcastle when she was a few months old.
I can’t ever remember meeting my great-grandparents, but there are photos to show that I did. I think my first trip to Malta was when I was three. We were lucky, as kids, as my dad was a teacher, so we had the same six weeks of summer holiday. This meant that we’d spend most of our summer in Malta. We’d take bars of Cadbury’s chocolate for relatives and spend every day on the beach. When I was in Malta I was part of a huge extended family.
Years flew, sometimes we went on coach trips to France and Spain, then I was a high school student and I was falling apart. The bullying was too much, it destroyed me. But when we escaped to Malta, for a month each summer, I could breathe. In Malta I was me, not some fat and ugly lass to abuse every day. Malta was the one place in the whole world where I felt I belonged. The island accepted me.
Then came a gap year in France, then university and summers spent travelling the globe but never to Malta. I was still a student when I found out I was pregnant with Eldest. G and I weren’t married and we were living together. At three months pregnant I decided that I wanted to introduce G to my Maltese family and to the island. We went for a week. My grandma and granddad happened to be there at the same time. I know that my being pregnant caused them embarrassment, because other relatives were then full of superstition and folklore. My being pregnant outside of wedlock was a disgrace. Things happened and, to protect myself, I felt that my connection with Malta had to be broken. I no longer thought that I belonged.
And so, it took me two novels before I had the courage to tackle a Malta one. I went back to Malta for three days in 2008 to research Like Bees to Honey. I went alone so that I could tackle my own ghosts. I stayed with my cousin and her gorgeous family. They showed me the island, with warmth and honesty. They pointed me towards the right books and answered ridiculous questions (that must have seemed endless). I have a full notebook and those notes about Maltese folklore and superstition made me understand the reaction to my pregnancy. I came back from my stay on the island (locals call it the Rock) having lost my anger and that awful feeling of rejection. People do go to Malta to heal, I honestly and truly believe that.
On May 27 2010 Like Bees to Honey will be published. It’s set in Malta and digs deeper into much that I’ve outlined in this blog post. As is always the way in my wonky world, on May 27 2010, it will have been thirteen years to the day since I returned with G from Malta. I don’t in any way regret my life choices and having Eldest when we did was the best decision ever (he’s all kinds of ace). But I do wish that my grandparents could have been proud of me (it’s too late now) and I hate that I caused them shame.
Like Bees to Honey is dedicated to my grandparents, to George and Helen Dixon (Cauchi).
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That’s really lovely, and it really makes me want to go back to Malta. And read your book, of course.
Twitter: @hmhuntThank you for sharing this.
I am so looking forward to reading.
xxx
Very honest and very moving. It’s great that you are honest enough to say yes some of the malta thing does relate to me and my experiences, as I feel many writers just shy away from doing that. If we’re honest a lot of what we write is really based on an experience, whether it is as personally significant as yours, or just something we heard two old ladies chatting about on the bus. It doesn’t mean the fiction is ‘about’ the writer or that it is not fictional, it just means it has footholds in reality that I often find gives a piece more depth.
Not sure if any of that makes sense?
And I’m sure they would be very very proud of you…and you can’t help what other people feel ashamed of, you can only help that you are not shameful, which you’re not.
Looking forward to the book…
Twitter: @KellyRailtonThank you Caroline. Your story-behind-the-story is so sad and lovely and fascinating. I can’t wait to read this novel,
Twitter: @meganjstaylormegs xx
Re the other comments: ditto. Looking forward to reading this.
Twitter: @Jangaleri can obviously relate to where your cumming from caroline, i seen the disappointment on grandma and grandads face the day i told them i was pregnant with “D” grandma went very quiet and left the room, but in all honesty i dont think we disappointed them, look at what they ended up with?
Karen xx
I not only enjoyed,but empathised with your account of your connection to Malta. I have an Italian family of cousins who make me feel totally accepted and as an only child offer me a sense of being part of a group of siblings. My grandparents were living in Malta during the war - my grandfather was a doctor - and they lived through but never talked about their experiences of the siege. My father was in the Navy and I went to live in Malta for two years from the age of 18 months, but only remember it through faded photographs and hearing stories from my parents.
Twitter: @WriteRetreatIt was so lovely of you to share your experiences. I found as a child that hardly anyone knew where Malta was but I knew that the tiny speck I pointed to on the globe was one of the most special places and that I was very lucky to consider it my second home.
Twitter: @Dot_ScribblesHelen M Hunt - perhaps you could go back to Malta and read it there! Perfect
(give my love to Mario)
Beth - thank you
Kelly - a very wise comment! The ‘footholds in reality’ is so right. Sometimes it can be as simple as a look, or a twist in the stomach, or a chance meeting with someone who took your breath away. It’s about empathy.
megan - eek, to people reading it!
Jan Rider Newman - thank you
karen mackenzie - seems like a lifetime ago now, doesn’t it? Me and you have always lived backwards forwards lives.
Frances - I was lucky to find out about the experiences during the war on the island, and to include them in the novel. My grandparents had talked openly about it all. So many people are connected to the tiny island and the history is so very rich. Thank you for commenting and for understanding.
Dot - me too. I loved having to point out in an atlas where Malta was and I’d get very cross if it was somehow ‘missed off’ a sketch. People didn’t really know where it was and back in the 80s the island was much different to how it is now. It’s a little honey pot, full of beauty.
xxx
Thank you for this, Malta is a place I so want to visit as I have a half brother there…My father met a girl there when he was serving there while in the Royal Navy, - she was 16 and he was in his early 20’s. She became pregnant, he told us that he did offer to marry her ( he’s a Catholic too), and her family agreed - but when he went to ask permission from the Navy, he was taken to see Mountbatten who refused him , because of who she was related to and the political atmosphere of the time. He says that he was not even allowed to leave the ship to tell her , and that he never got to see her again or say Goodbye. He was quickly wished out of Malta and not allowed to ever step foot on the isalnd again while in Royal Navy. He was later told by a friend ( and I think there may have been a photograph ) that she had given birth to a boy, and that that he was called Michael ( he thinks! Oh and that he had red hair like my father - this was in the early 50’s!)
As the years passed and he left the Navy, he planned to save up and go back, but meanwhile he met my mother and married and we all came along.
We didn’t know anything about this till when I was 18 I became pregnant and wouldn’t marry the boy, and my father in a drunken confession - after he had called me all sorts of names (this was still the 1970’s! and unmarried mum’s were still taboo), broke down and told us of his son and how he always hoped he would come and find him- but he never did.
I would love to find him if I could, - though he may not know the story of his ‘father’ , who while he never met him or knew him, loved him nevertheless and still does.
Twitter: @ShullieWow Shullie, that’s a novel in itself. That is a truly moving and upsetting story. You could a have an entire family on the island! If finding Michael is important to you, then you really must do it…
For centuries people visited Malta and left ‘bits’ behind. I mean languages, customs, foods, spices, babies… it makes the island this rich jigsaw of all who have visited, but you may find that Michael’s birth/pregnancy was hidden and not spoken about.
Good luck! x
Thanks Caroline - that’s the thing- my father was worried about if we go ‘looking’ or ‘digging’… - though in the late 80’s I worked in a Greek restaurant in Sheffield, and one of the temp waitresses there was married to a guy from Malta, we got talking and she then told her husband. She came back the next night and said her husband thought he knew who I was talking about - and that he was aware of his ‘father’… as he was a red head and stood out! So you never know. I am 50 now and he would be around 57… I am making plans to just go to Malta and ’see’ ‘feel’ etc.. and well see what or who I may find! xxx
Twitter: @ShullieI don’t think it’d be very hard to find him and I think much of it could be done online - through forums. I do hope that you can. Good luck (and let me know)! xxx
I got goosebumps and teary eyed reading this. x
Twitter: @djkirkbyI do love how these painful parts of our lives inform our work. i guess that’s what makes us writers after all. I’m sure your grandparents would be proud of you now!
Lovely piece and amazing comments.
Hope you find your half-brother Shullie, it’s a story that deserves an ending - and a happy ending, I hope.
Oh honey,
I knew that Like Bees To Honey was more personal for you than your previous novels. I think, in a way, it is a tribute to your Grandparents.
I think in their way they were very proud of you. I think that, looking down on you, they are incredibly proud of what you have accomplished and what you have become.
You are a strong and corageous person to have dealt with your ghosts in such a way. You are wonderful and beautiful and I know your Grandparents are very proud of you.
Huggles
Twitter: @jamiesonwolfJamieson
I have pre-ordered a copy of the book and look forward to reading it in June!
Twitter: @WriteRetreatI have a huge lump in my throat now….don’t know what to say
*hugs*
C x
Twitter: @Mrs_B33I want to comment and yet I’m not sure what to say (that hasn’t already been expressed above) - but just letting you know that I’ve been here, wanting to comment. x
Lovely post Caroline. I hope writing the book and your research for it has brought you some peace. It really makes me want to read your book too!
Hope Shullie finds her half brother too.
Twitter: @juxtabookI’m so glad you returned to Malta and was made to feel so welcome by your cousin. I’m sure your grandparents were proud of you too and that Like Bees to Honey is a beautiful tribute to them.
Twitter: @DebsCarrThank you for sharing your touching story. It sounds like you poured your heart into Bees and makes me all the more eager to read it! xx
DJ Kirkby -
Sue Guiney - it is what makes us writers and without these flashes I wonder what we’d become…
paul - thank you
amieson Wolf - oh I have plenty of ghosts left to come out. So that means a few more novels
Frances - thank you so much!
Carol - you don’t have to say anything, that hug was enough
trousers - I *heart* you.
Juxtabook - writing the book made me understand the folklore of the island. I have no anger or sense of rejection now.
Debs - thank you!
Angie - and that’s why I feel so uterly terrified about people reading it.
xxx
I’m really looking forward to reading the book, Caroline. Thanks for sharing why you wrote it. x
Twitter: @dianeshipleyand thanks for reading this post x