I read a sarcastic comment about me the other day. It was something or other about how excited I get about ‘little’ things. I don’t think the person was being intentionally cruel, just laughing with another and at me.
Whatever the reason (and yes, I know the reasons) there is part of me that finds it hard to accept that nice things happen to me. In simple and uncomplicated terms - I feel like I don’t deserve good things, they shock me, they make me squee, they make me cry, they make me check the name that the email was supposed to be sent to. Good things will never be my norm.
It could simply be that I was never the lucky child, I was the one that went a lot wrong and caused major worry. So I guess I grew never expecting this, I mean never expecting all that I have now and this means that each and every ‘tiny’ (or ‘large’) nice thing that happens to me is a ‘big deal’.
And so with this front cover that has been created for me (yes, I know it’s about sales and commercial considerations, but right now it feels mine). Someone took the time to read every single word that I’d written, someone looked at my words and saw beauty, then they hand stitched teeny tiny bits and pieces of significance into a cover. I think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, probably because it’s better than any portrait any one could ever paint of me, it captures part of me that is supposed to be buried away. My new front cover has been created by a magician and seeing it for the first time made me cry in Costa and made Littlest give me a very tight squeeze.
I guess it’s about context and about people needing to realise that I have no positive expectations. Each teeny tiny nice thing that happens is huge in my world, because each nice thing means that someone else has ‘got’ me and perhaps the reality is that I’m still that lonely kid who is aching to belong.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I’ll never stop being excited about the little things that come my way, this is me, it’s who I am.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
Lovely if a little sad. It is always hard to been confident that the world is not trying to trick you with nice things. There are lots of unhappy things that happen & nice people are hurt. At least you recognise it in yourself. Anyway, lots of little things are much better than one big thing in my book!
Twitter: @JFB57There are so many downs in the world of writing, even for a published author. One of the true ups is seeing the cover of your book for the first time. It’s almost a stamp of approval, your acceptance as a writer. If the cover looks good and captures some of the essence of the book then it is even more exciting to see and hold. Add to that the fact that the cover is a tapestry, that you can actually feel each line and contour, then surely you can be forgiven for the occassional squee, certainly by me.
Don’t let the b—-ds grind you down. There’s enough negativity in the book world.
Savour the moment.
Of course you deserve good thins! But to be honest, when it comes to writing the people with the richest experiences, and the complicated lives make the best most intuitive writers - like you.x
But of course you have to get excited about the little things. Every time I sell something to a particular website, I only get £10 for it, but it doesn’t matter. I still get terribly excited because someone has *got* what I have written and are prepared to pay for the privilege of printing it. Not getting excited about the little things would make you emotionless. Hardened. And what sort of writer would that make you? Like an actress with too much botox so you couldn’t see her expression and know what she is feeling.
Russell T Davies writes about the ‘internet voices’. I was going to quote him here but there is so much and one sentence wouldn’t have the impact. You really need to read it.
As for deserving these nice things. You do.
Twitter: @helenreddersAnything positive or joyous is a thing to be celebrated - if someone ‘gets’ you, your essence, especially through your distilled words, then that is something to be truly cherished.
I could sob for the people who *don’t* get that.
Twitter: @spiralskiesIf you will forgive the allegory, every dog has it’s day. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, but every once in a while you meet/converse with a REALLY good person and you only wish that they could see their talent as you do. Ultimately, we all have our own mirrors and sometimes we just need to see beyond our reflections.
Twitter: @DarrenCraskeYou go, girl. You enjoy every piece of goodness that comes your way and don’t ever question that you don’t deserve it.
x
If one can not get excited about the small things in life, and be thankful, I mean truly thankful, then you are undeserving. You, Caroline, are truly deserving of happiness, for you have put so very much hard work into your writing, but most importantly, you are not afraid or ashamed to share your soul, and for that, your friends and readers are thankful in turn.
Keep working hard and keep being who you are.
Twitter: @zehramustafaI think it’s a very good think that you’re happy with the small things. Not many people appreciate life like that. Not many people see the little blessings that come everyday. And it’s too bad for them, because they miss a lot. And what’s wrong with getting excited with the little things? It makes us happier and grateful and whole. It means we see more beauty in life. And surely, you see a lot of that in the works you do. It’s your effort, your time, your passion, your tears and sweat even. It’s yours! Celebrate! ^_^ ♥
Twitter: @affy7annHey C,
Having someone stitch you a cover is NOT a small thing, it’s amazing! But, also, it’s great to get excited about small things.
In our little neuro-diverse family we often get excited about small things. Anything with a badger, or a sheep, or in latin or greek, or with triangles, or prime numbers… the list goes on.
I think there is a resonance with your experience even if it took different specific forms. Boy struggles at pretty much everything - something we’ve only understood recently. But he excels at languages, and especially Latin and Greek. They make him feel like he’s running rather than stumbling.
Badger’s childhood identity was wrapped up in cruel playground rejection, but as an adult, her badgerness has been embraced and enjoyed and people love her for it, and remember her for it. It equates to reclaiming herself, redefining herself.
I never really knew where ‘home’ was, or where it would be in a year or two. Now I have found the place where I belong and where I will stay forever, and every time I see a sheep it reminds me of that, and when I see a rare breed sheep it reminds me that our village have welcomed us despite our difference. And that even the most different sheep still belongs somewhere.
And - none of these things are really little things in the end are they? I mean, yesterday boy had a snow day and I helped him only the tiniest bit with his maths project. And he understood things that a year ago he would have just cried at the thought of. I don’t care if 25 other kids in his class also understand, to me it feels like a small miracle.
The things you’re squeeeeeing about are things that never happen to most people. Not in the same context anyway. And anyone who says that you’re over reacting is either desperately trying to play it cool for fear that these ’small’ things will never happen to them (or never happen to them again), or has utterly lost the part of them that can recognise that rare breed sheep and badgers and latin quotes and remembering that there’s 180 degrees in a triangle are also things worth celebrating.
Hugs and stuff like that,
And squeees too (but only little ones because my smashed up head is still very delicate).
Can’t wait to read Bees,
Sx
Twitter: @stray_and_rubyMy mum always says that it takes very little to make her happy. So we both ‘get’ what you mean. That’s why I know that the £4 hand mixer I got her from tesco the other day will make her squeee lol Just be happy that things do make you happy, cos there are enough miserable people around!
Twitter: @babsmcginlayI’m so glad to hear that you will never stop being excited about the so-called “little” things, which don’t seem little to me. How sad it must be to not get excited about all of this? I hear authors complaining about things like how hard the “first eight books” were. Where is that joy of just having 8 books, having achieved that, getting beautiful covers? It is stunning, by the way! Thank you for sharing that with us, I hope no-one is laughing at you for enjoying every bit of it. I never will.
Twitter: @taniahershmanCaroline, I think it’s really important to be excited and/or grateful for the small things: it lifts our mood and makes our lives happier and more rewarding. When we stop noticing those little things we get trapped in the pit of existentialist despair, which does no one any good at all.
Just carry on being your usual warm, inspiring and generous self. Be grateful that you can see the value of these small and wonderful things. Hope that eventually the people who criticised you for it will reach that stage too: their lives will be a lot richer for it.
Twitter: @hprwC
Enjoy the good things, even if they are only little bits of joy, if you don’t when something s**t happens you’ll miss them.
Ex
PS: If people need more reasons to squee and be joyful try - http://dailysquee.com/ and http://itmademyday.com/ two ways I use to cheer myself up!
Twitter: @erswsI can really relate to what you are saying here. I think it’s a wondeful thing to gain joy and excitement from the little things as well as the bg things that come our way. Don’t ever lose that.
Twitter: @moondusterWell I’m glad that you are you are, because who you are’s lovely. And talented. And deserving of good things, big and small, and deserving of feeling good about them.
Nik X
Twitter: @nikperringHi there,
Your cover made me Squeeeeee so you must be delighted!
Appreciating every good thing, large or small, is the only route to happiness. Ignore any negativity as it always comes from the person’s own place of fear. Stay excited, stay happy and revel in this.
X
Twitter: @BucksWriterWell, well, I am coming to this post with a heavy heart or, as I like to say, with a lump of lead sitting in my stomach. I have spent the morning trying to focus on what I am doing and being unable to do so, as my life is hanging by a financial thread as thin as one of my own hairs. Yet, among all of this, what has squelched me right down into a puddle of tears has been a progress report on some of my work. I am described as incompetent, un-focused, unable to grasp the social implications of the historical background I am referring to, as lacking analytical skills, subtlety and depth of intent. I am superficial, I do not have a convincing argument and so on and so forth. Gosh, who said non-fiction is easier than fiction? I’ve felt unable even to look at myself in the mirror without averting tears, daily, for weeks.
I believe that our problem, and by ‘we’ I mean writers in particular, but artists in general, is that we have to operate by ourselves, materialising the work from deep within us, and yet strongly depend on one another for self-validation throughout life. I don’t think I’ve ever had the opportunity to speak to a writer who says: ‘Criticism? Fuck them, I know better, I’ve worked hard, I deserve these good things now’. I wish I were that person, but I know that even working towards that goal would be fruitless. I am a quivering leaf hanging to a tree by a couple of cells, that’s who I am.
I strongly believe that good happenings are extremely well-deserved in your case but I certainly wouldn’t define the cover of a new book as a small, pointless little thing. It provides a defining sense of self to an author, the transmutation of one’s thoughts, fears and hopes into a gift of creativity that can be shared with many others. Look at creativity! Right here! It’s no longer an ideal, it’s pages and a cover and words, and it’s for real now! In short: squee away my friend. And all the best.
Twitter: @stephanellawWhere would we be if we could not delight in the little things?
Twitter: @leatherdykeukI’m very much the same. I tend to expect the worst. The Husband calls me a cynic. I think of myself as a realist. LOL
But for me, joy always comes from the little things. Be it a poem that inspires, a great book that brings joy, a song that reminds you of a simpler time in your youth, a favourite shirt or sweater that brings comfort, someone holding the door open for you, the little things bring so much joy because they are so surprising.
I am always greatful when one of those simple things in life comes along to surprise me. They remind me that there is joy, that there are good things in life, that life is not all doom and gloom. Quite often we get so bogged down by the state of the world around us. I think that has to do with writers seeing more and taking in more emotionally than others. Or perhaps not…
Either way, don’t you ever stop being joyful over the small things. They are the things that dreams are made of.
Twitter: @jamiesonwolfAnd may you never change lovely Caroline.
Blimey, I feel SO sorry for people who don’t get excited about the ’small stuff’. How do they get through the day? If you can’t find joy in every day things, then life must be pretty miserable.
However, I agree with what other people have said in their comments, the care and attention which has been put into the beautiful textiles for the cover of your new book is no small thing. You should be proud, delighted and touched by that with very good reason. I got my first book dedication recently, which I keep banging on about because it really means so much to me. Hopefully I’ll collect a few more over the years and I sincerely hope I cry over every one. It will be a sad day if I start to take stuff like that for granted, and I will have to have a stern word with myself if I do!
Stay joyous, Caroline!
Twitter: @LaceyTigerI was going to say what Lauren Ace said in her first paragraph.
I think it’s lovely (and not at all suprising) that you’re excited about this. A beautiful, unusual and thoughtful book cover is not a small thing at all.
But what I think is really wonderful is the way you share your feelings. You allow some of that excitement and joy to rub off on other people. If people don’t want to share that, it’s their loss.
Twitter: @hmhunthear you xx
Twitter: @fiona_robynCaroline, I feel sorry for the people who don’t get excited over little things. Joy can be scarce and every instance of it should be celebrated.
Twitter: @cathryanhowardx
Gosh what a lot of very very lovely comments and mainly I’ve read them and cried (in a good way!). Thank you xxx
JFB - I agree, the little things are tiny gifts.
Paul - I think this is going to be my new wall quote: “Don’t let the b—–ds grind you down. There’s enough negativity in the book world.” Thank you.
Rowan Coleman - like you
Helen February - it’s not ‘ I ‘ONLY’ get £10 for it’ but rather ‘I GET £10 FOR IT. SQUEEE!’
I so need to read that book, don’t I?
Jen - “I could sob for the people who *don’t* get that.” - me too.
Darren Craske - awww, you made me cry. Thank you, lovely man x
Zehra Mustafa - and you did too. Seriously, I am Missy Snot today (delightful image!).
Affy-Ann - such a beautiful comment. Thank you so much.
Stray - OK, so I’m sobbing by this point. You’ve all come so far xxx
Babs McGinlay - £4 for a hand mixer will make my eldest squee. Must buy one
Tania Hershman - thanks so much for this lovely comment. So glad you ‘get’ what I’m trying to say.
Jane Smith - thank you, lovely lady.
moonduster (Becky) - if I ever lose it, then I’d have to question ‘what the point’ was to creating
Don’t you ever lose it either.
Nik Perring - awww, you are fabulous
Claire - aww, thank you. You’re wise and lovely!
Steph - OMG! That’s truly vile. Who has been so mean? Oh I do, I really really do hope that you can find some space for you xxx Thank you so much for understanding and for listening, now go look in the mirror and see how utterly beautiful, wise and talented you are!
Rachel Green - my thoughts exactly
Jamieson Wolf - it’s all about dreams, isn’t it? You’re such a delight Jamieson, keep being true to you x
JJ Beattie - awww
Lauren Ace - I know! Clearly they get through the day by saying things about others and laughing… but a book dedication!!! That’s MASSIVE and something you should hold onto forever! I must remember to ask you which book and then I’ll have to get a copy
And if you ever stop crying at each book dedication, then I sincerely and utterly think that you should receive a slap 
Helen M Hunt - thank you, lovely lady! You’re very wise.
fiona robyn - thank you
Catherine Ryan Howard - wise wise words
xxx
If a thing brings a rush of happiness, then I don’t think it can ever be described as small. There are so many wonders to celebrate; it’s a fine way to live.
Twitter: @meganjstaylorAnd you deserve much happiness Mrs Smailes
You know that I think you are lovely, and I also know that you know that I also get excited by very ’small’ things (much smaller than a WHOLE COVER made just for YOU!).
All I can really say is ‘ditto’ to all the comments above. Life is short, may we take our pleasures where we can get them.
Love and hugs xxx
Twitter: @sorayaleilaIf you can’t get excited about little things then, really, you’re in trouble. Right now I’m giggling because I have a tin of mints in the shape of monkey. Little things are geet mint (pardon the pun) especially when, like your cover, there is so much meaning attached to them.
Keep squeeing yo!
x
Twitter: @Watching9987I’m glad you still get excited about the little things.
Me, I have no hope for anything right now, but the fact that you get so excited? Makes me feel that hope is out there for me, even if I don’t honestly believe in it.
xx
I absolutely adore the embroidery, so pretty and meaningful. And it is good that you enjoy it so much when good things happen. The alternative is being spoilt, and how very sad it would be to be spoilt. x
Twitter: @JosaYoungI find it hard to accept when good things happen to me too. That’s one reason I LOVE reading about your journey and every little triumph. Your joy is palpable, and I love that you appreciate all of it, even the small things. Ignore the negative comments and keep on being you. You’re a wonderful person and a beautiful writer! xx
I’m a hospice volunteer and serve drinks from a trolley to some very sick patients. One was very beautiful girl in her twenties. She asked for a small glass of lemonade with one ice cube. I handed it to her and it took almost all her strength to hold the glass. With a massive effort she raised it to the other patients and said with genuine joy in her voice, “Good health to you all!” She took a sip and said with complete happiness,”That is so lovely.”
She taught me something - enjoy it all big or small - because you can.
Anna May x
You will always bring a little sunshine into my life, chick. You’ve helped me so much over the past two years.
And that’s what friends are for, making the little things seem really important in comparison to the other things that are going on.
xx
Wow Caroline not sure how anyone could think that cover was a small thing…
I actually just shed a little tear of empathy there. I am often accused of getting ‘overexcited’ about things. It makes me feel like I’m a little ‘odd’ when people say that. But then I think how can you be ‘overexcited’? Surely being as excited as possible is the best possible state of being!?!
As I’ve said before your positivity is a great inspiration. It’s obvious it has come from some kind of previous struggle, or at least its obvious to me, as that’s why I get so ‘overbloodyexcited’.
It’s great to be recognised, great to have praise, be made to feel special if this has been something that has not always been present in your life. I’m sure what jealous people (or those who’ve had very ’safe’ lives) don’t see is the other side - the insecurity, the very likely heartache you felt at those (what seemed like) cruel words… People see the positivity, the excitement and they think you can cope with whatever they have to say…
I am envious of you in the best possible way. You are a 3 times published author, you were number 6 (number 6!) and your writing is believable, pioneering and important.
Sorry if this makes you shed any tears - and this is not sycophantism (if that’s a word) in any sense. I just really understand what you’re saying.
Like Nik J I get excited about the silliest things. Nothing excited me more on Xmas day than my Monkey PJs. Monkeys are obviously ‘of the moment’!
You keep getting excited please. It cheers us all up!
Twitter: @KellyRailtonKellyxx
Wowie…that is a gorgeous cover…am both jealous and excited for you at the same time…and of course you must squee…there’s always plently of squee-less moments in life…so it’s good to squee when squeeing is required.
Or even when it’s not.
Be happy brave soldier!
Bloomin’ ‘eck! You lot are being rather luch in your comments today. Thank you xxxx
megan - as do you, Missy.
Soraya - sometimes people take life for granted. I actually think we’re all guilty of this, but small things make days better, make smiles, make gigles and make sobs… it’s all about layering life with fragments x
Nik Jones - a tin of mints in the shape of monkey! Now that has made me smile, like this -
Beth - but honey you have to have hope. I am quoting myself and from Bees (which is a bit odd), but - ‘without hope, there is nothing’. I wish I could wave a wand for you and I wish it was getting easier for you… I worry that it isn’t and I’m worried about you. Please, take care x
Josa - being spoilt or being a diva is not an option in my house
Angie - awww, thank you, lovely lady!
Anna May - very wise and a very beautiful comment, thank you! I think any person who has experienced depths of personal despair, loss or trauma will understand your comments and possibly my way of thinking. When you’ve been at your lowest, then possibly you see the world through altered/fresher/more honest eyes. I don’t pretend to be Pollyanna or to always be happy (far from it), but I have learned that life is rushing past and that I’m so very very lucky to be here.
Lplate - oh honey and some of the little things we have talked about have been so utterly random
Kelly Railton - looks like me and you, dear twin, are likely to get ‘overexcited’ for a few years yet! And thanks to this blog post and lovely commenst, I’m fast learning that it is the best possible state of being! So glad you ‘get’ this, but I always knew that you would. AND Monkey pjs! What is it with Geordies and monkeys? Have you met Nik J - he’s lovely and has a tin of monkey mints.
Rosalind Wyllie - I think we should all start each and every day with a squee and a smile… but obviously only after 9 a.m, as before that I am such a moody cow
Elliott Rodgers - wise words, Mister! Wise words.
xxxx
I think it’s good to appreciate the little things and get excited about them. You’ve earned your success.
Twitter: @DebsCarrYou’re brilliant because you excited about get little things. This feeds your success.
Twitter: @cleitonpenaGosh, your one phrase summed up the real importance of your post “Littlest give me a very tight squeeze.”
You are loved,valued and cared about by those nearest to you… take strength from that, you are blessed
Debs carr - thank you
Claiton Pena - that’s a very lovely comment, thank you so much!
Elizabeth - I am so lucky and am surrounded by wonderful friends, a lovely G and 3 very very special kiddies. I am so thankful.
xxx