Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Epigraph to In Search of Adam
Why is your epigraph taken from Genesis?
That’s where In Search of Adam begins. We all know that God created Adam from the dust of the ground and placed him in the Garden of Eden. He couldn’t live alone, so a woman, Eve, was created out of Adam’s rib. God forbade this man and this woman to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. But, the woman was tempted by a serpent and she ate. But. And this is the significant but. Eve shared the pleasure with Adam and he ate too. The serpent tempted Eve and she tempted Adam. They were all punished. The epigraph tells of Eve’s punishment and In Search of Adam stems out of a modern day working-class Eve. Sarah Williams is Eve.
And where do you begin?
I begin at the very beginning. Where else? I begin with a need to find purity and perfection, to go in search of Adam. In search of the man who is untainted and innocent.
Are you taking us further than a simple story?
I am taking you as far as you want me to. In Search of Adam was born out of a religious seed and developed into a reflection on the society that we live in, one where we seek to blame, to point finger and to gain pleasure from tales of downfall. There is a lacking acceptance of responsibility, a lacking consideration of the consequences for actions and a lacking humanity. It is this that has lead to a spiralling and to the maltreatment of the innocent. It is our children who suffer at our hands. I can rant on, but this is where I started. I started to write with Adam in mind.
And what came next?
The story unfolded. The novel begins with a six year old child, Jude, finding her dead mother lying next to an empty bottle of vodka, an empty jar of tablets and a suicide note reading ‘Gone in search of Adam.’ That was the image that wouldn’t budge. That’s was where I had to start. I then tried to examine and understand firstly why the mother would kill herself and then to allow the consequences of this action to unfold. Then, came the idea for the after school care of Jude being divided amongst her neighbours. Then, one of the neighbours had a brother who raped Jude. Then, as another consequence, Jude stepped into a life of self harm, eating disorders and continued abuse patterns. The novel ends with Jude about to commit suicide with vodka and tablets. A full circle. In the middle of Jude’s story, Sarah – Jude’s mother interrupted and told her story through diary entries. Within these diary entries, Sarah tackled with the idea of heaven and hell and the awareness that she had sinned. She believed that she has killed her son. Later in the story, through Bill, Jude’s father, I learned that Sarah had had a baby, Adam, and that she had suffered from postnatal depression which was heightened by Adam’s incessant crying. When Adam was six months old, she had left him alone in her flat and returned to find him dead. She had gone against rules; she had been tempted by silence. Her husband, Bill, had found Sarah and the dead baby and had chosen to protect Sarah. And here lies the connection to Genesis. For their sins, their eyes were both opened and they knew that they had done wrong. Sarah then lived a life in the shadow of an abusive husband and her sorrow and longing prevented her from loving Jude. Bill worked all hours in a desperate need to achieve something and in doing so rejected his family. So In search of Adam was born out of the Genesis.
I must stop you there. I can’t believe the rubbish that you’re spouting. You’re claiming that my story is a creative take on the bible. You’re trying to be clever when clearly you’re not and I’m not at all impressed.
I’m sorry – and you are?
My name is Jude Williams and I’m the bairn whose story she’s telling. I met her when I was in hospital. When we were in hospital. I was eighteen at the time. What she hasn’t told you that? I didn’t think that she would. I didn’t think that she’d like you to know which bits are mine and which bits are hers. She’s perfected this cover story of her being an all creative being and clearly she’s not. I told her my story, she mixed it with hers and then she typed the words into what she attempts to call a novel. Slowly mind you, she types really slowly. She’s really crap at typing.
But she’s just said that you die at the end. How can you be here if you’re dead?
Well clearly she hasn’t gotten to the end yet and I have no intention of killing myself. Life’s been pretty shitty, but I’m no coward. Perhaps it’s her that’s heading that way.
So you’re telling me that In Search of Adam is a true story?
Yes.
And it is all true. Every detail is true?
Yes.
So all of those horrific things happened to you?
Some of them and the others happened to her. You don’t believe me? Why would I make that up? How can she imagine such horrific things? They’re too horrific and too real not to be true. And, if you don’t believe me, then surely you must be thinking that she’s twisted and clearly in need of help?
And here lends the problem with In Search of Adam, my biggest problem has been reader/workshop reaction to the content. This novel did not exist until I started the MA and it has developed rapidly over the last few months. I have pushed boundaries and addressed issues, such as paedophilia, rape, bulimia and violence, without shying away from the visual. This had lead people to question my motives and to feel sympathy for me. I refuse to answer their direct questions. I refuse to say what is fact and what is fiction. Why should I? It’s a story and I believe that it should be read as a story.
So – you admit that some of your content is fact?
No. I don’t admit anything.
Yes all of it is.
Why are you writing In Search of Adam?
Because it’s within me. I’m not in control of it. I sit and it pours out. My story pours out. I write because I love to write. The story spins and turns and sometimes I lose control of it.
That’s because it’s my story.
No. It’s mine. In Search of Adam is my own search. My own need to find answers and to explore purity. I feel that a fog is being lifted and I’m writing about subjects that need to be voiced. I’m playing with language. I’m breaking grammatical rules, paying attention to consistencies and stretching language to bring life to the senses. I’m playing with one word sentences, one word paragraphs and refuse to use speech marks. I’m making pretty patterns with typography. I’m playing a truly enjoyable game. The writing experience is making me feel alive, yet it’s absorbing my thoughts. It’s puzzling, cryptic, problem solving and exhilarating. I am alive.
So am I.
What has influenced your writing?
Grammatical rules and fairy tales.
What about me?
You don’t exist.
But I do. I’m here. You’ve just spoken to me.
What influences your writing style?
I write with one thing in mind, acquired on the MA course. I write with it typed and stuck to my wall:
‘Show don’t tell or tell in a way that shows.’
That’s a bit cryptic don’t you think?
Not to me. It wakes me up.
She hides behind it and pretends to be a writer.
And what problems have you encountered?
In Search of Adam is all written in the first person narrative, but not only this, the voice of a child. I can only describe what Jude can see and what I believe that Jude would understand. I have found it difficult to describe setting and to give a sense of place, but I overcame this by using dialect and by simplifying descriptions to a small area around Jude’s street. Her world is stretched from a housing estate to the coast of New Lymouth. The story is Jude looking back on her childhood, but she is still a young adult and her memories are locked within the language available to her at that time. She only remembers key moments, stuck visuals and so only those moments are expressed. I describe fragments of a life.
I’m still here you know. I hate it when you talk about me as if I’m not here.
You’re not here. I killed you off. I have had to locate my narrator and to make her a believable character.
What don’t you believe my story anymore?
I think that Jude’s innocence and all that she can’t communicate allow the reader to trust and want to protect her. She exists within an impressionist painting. The feeling of an understanding, of a memory. I have established a community for her. I have a detailed drawing of her street, with names and histories for every one of her thirty-one neighbours. I know details about door colours, names, ages. I have planned and I have been meticulous.
But you haven’t been creative. I have told you everything. Why aren’t you acknowledging me?
How far through the novel are you?
I have finished, but it will always be a draft until someone decides to publish it.
She types slowly. She doesn’t write everyday, only when she can be arsed. She has written 70,000 words of waffle. I could have written it much better.
Can I read your manuscript?
No.
I’ll get you a copy if you want.
So what next?
Well, I need to find an agent. I have the outlines for my next two novels. Something a little more 'cheery' next. I think either postnatal depression madness or reincarnation. Something to make me smile. Something to give me a break from Jude whingeing in my ear every five minutes.
I don’t have another story to tell you. Does that mean that you’re going to abandon me? Like everyone one else…
Please be quiet.