[Apologies and please note that this blog post contains some spoilers for the Disney film 'Up'']
I am writing this blog post in an utterly distressed state. Today I took my kiddies to watch ‘Up’ at the cinema.
Why didn’t someone warn me?
‘Up’ (a Disney film) carries the basic story of childhood sweethearts, outgoing Ellie and shy Carl. They meet with heads full of exploring, it’s sweet and very beautiful. Ellie has a book, full of blank pages that she plans to fill with ‘stuff I’m going to do’ when she goes on her huge adventure and moves her clubhouse to Paradise Falls in South America. Then the years start to pass. Ellie and Carl marry and start to save up, but every time they save, something happens and the money is spent elsewhere. Then just as they seem to have finally saved enough to take their big trip, Ellie goes and dies of old age! Carl, her one true love is left and he’s old and he’s all alone. (sob). Then Carl and a rather cute Wilderness Explorer named Russell fly to South America in Carl’s floating house suspended from helium balloons…
I have never cried so much in a film, not since ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ and that took me months before I recovered. Don’t get me wrong, ’Up’ was funny too and much of the ‘sad stuff’ wasn’t picked up by the kiddies. My boys thought it fab, Middlest wants the DS game for his birthday. Dug the dog made them laugh out loud (‘I have just met you, and I love you’) and the obsession with squirrels was amusing.
But, still, I never, not ever, want to watch ‘Up’ again. It has left me feeling raw.
… because we do that, don’t we? We say we’re going to do things, don’t we? We make imaginary plans for that one day when we’ll have spare money, when we’ll have extra time, when we’ll be stronger, healthier, not quite like we are now. And then we wait, we almost expect those occasions to come to us.
I do that. I’m a ‘gonna do’ person. I talk about a family trip to Disneyland in America, one day, when I’ve some spare cash but I’ve not started saving. I’ve a secret writing project that I want to send out, but only when the nagging ‘I’m rubbish’ voices are quiet, but I know they never will be. I want to phone someone, just to say hello, but I’ll wait till Christmas or a birthday, ignoring that they’re on my mind today.
The problem is that if I’m honest, I know that one day I might just wake up and realise that time has taken me into a new place where my dreams and needs are even harder to achieve. The children will leave home and Disneyland won’t have the same appeal, the writing project will be hidden and that element of failing added to who I am, that special someone will continue to deteriorate and conversation will be impossible. And the ‘gonna do’ will never happen.
There’s a lesson hidden in there. Sometimes I find it so difficult to see through the blackness but maybe every now and then I need to look at those around me and hug them a little bit tighter. Friends and family and making your own fortune, that’s what this post is about.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
When my brother in law died a few years ago I upped a gear and started to work on my dream. It is going very slowly at the moment because of the baby and the associated exhaustion, but I’m chipping away bit by bit. But there are other dreams in the pipeline that we as a family are putting off because of the baby.
There *is* a lesson there. Thanks for the reminder. x
I guess what I was trying to say is that sometimes we expect the dreams to just appear, as if by magic, when really we need to keep trying and plugging and taking time out to make things happen. I’m talking about small and big things, that phone call that I need to make and those pennies I need to budget… I know you’ll get there and having your daughter will ensure it. Legacy is a powerful thing.
Also, Facebook tells me that today would have been NR Lisa’s birthday. Sometimes other reminders are there for us too. I’m thinking about her family today, her girls and realising just how fragile life is.
xxx
Hi Caroline,
Hell yeah!
Lovely blog post…
You’re right we all have dreams, hopes and wishes. We should all try and chase them more often. Personally I think one of the saddest things to say (apart from I’m sorry… Goodbye… It’s over… that’s a whole other thing) is “I wish I had”…
So here’s to chasing dreams… *lifts an ePint*
Elliott
Up affected me very deeply too. I think I will watch it again but in private and with Chopper beside me so I can share that very important message with him.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Being a “gonna do” person. I worry how it is affecting my 7 year old. We buy him a birthday present and don’t put it together for a year. We buy him another one (the next year) and don’t hang it on the wall for…well, we’re not sure how long it will take. I know these are small examples but they get bigger. They become vacations we want to take (like Disneyworld) and experiences we want to have and ideas we want to succeed (like the secret writing project). I know that what I have is a gift. It is special and beautiful and I am a very lucky woman. However, I have to learn how to DO or DON’T DO but don’t talk about the doing. And, when it comes to my kids, don’t talk about things unless I am going to do them. Don’t buy presents unless I am committed to “installing” them, as it were. Oh, there’s much more to be said about this. I’m sure I’ll write about it in one way or another on my own blog.
Found you through twitter, FYI. First time here. (smile)
Elliott - very very true! “I wish I had” is something that so many of us say and it often cannot be prevented, but then there are other times when taking a moment out to ‘just do it’ is enough. Here’s to chasing those dreams…
DJ Kirkby - G didn’t come with us, so he got me telling him all about it. I know the children will want to watch it again. Middlest has a huge ‘Up’ poster on his wall, but sometimes films touch a nerve and make it sting. Maybe I just watched this film on the wrong day.
Sarah - Hello and welcome to my blog. I can so so so relate to your comment! I’ve done the same, so many times. I worry about telling the children things and then making them hurt when those things don’t happen. Sometimes we just need to look at all we have and try not to focus on all we don’t. Well, that’s the theory…
xxx
There is a variant of this that I seem to have developed in the last few years, in which you ‘do’ so many things all at once that nothing gets done properly. Or you end up with so many things going on it takes a long time to finish anything, or things don’t get done with full attention. I think with middle age comes a sense of time being short and that can lead to ‘project panic’ where everything looks compelling, but one needs to get a grip and decide what one _really_ wants to do or achieve, and realise what one _can_ achieve too. Nobody wants to end up sitting in the nursing home thinking of the twenty dreams they pursued and almost achieved; much better to achieve a few and forget about the rest. And this comment is becoming far too autobiographical now.
You’ve done so much already - but yes, keep going!! Life is indeed very, very short - grab it with both fists, I say
mxx
Oh dear lord, I thought ‘The Notebook’ was bad enough and now it’s happening in children’s films - don’t think this one will be on my list now, I can’t cope with films that make me too distressed. PS this post has given me a right good kick up the bum - I have a whole list full of dreams, that I’ve struggled to complete this year - no time like the present to start and achieving those!
I had to fight back tears when I was telling Chopper about Up. Reminded me so much of his grandparents and the deep love they had for each other. P.S. do loons sob? xo
I posted about this a few days ago and saved quite a few people going to see it! We decided it was suitable for older children but I hated it and so did my 6 year old.
Great little film.
The depth of character in Carl and Ellie is brilliant.
And the amount of emotions that get stirred is immense.
Truly, truly the best animated movie I’ve seen due to the sense of empathy that is created for Carl.
I came home and before I went to sleep I asked the wife whether she’s filled any of her previously blank pages in her ‘Adventure Book’ - her answer ? Well, that’s another story and whole other adventure !
Loved it !
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately too in a cliched mid life crises sort of way - the big 40 is coming up early in the New Year. I’ve been in contact with old friends, hear and see more and more relatively young deaths and seen how life takes over and ten, twenty years can flash by. We make all these plans but if not now, then when? I’ve wanted to be a writer forever but its only now I’m beginning to get stuff out into the world and with a young family the process is excruciating slow. As many others have said here we need to choose what is important and make our way towards it in whatever way we can.
“Up” completely did me in. I blogged about it too over the summer. It was sad, but beautiful and then went on to remind us all that if we hang on, good things will come our way. It’s the trick about having faith — one I struggle with all the time.
I don’t think I’ll be able to watch this film. I agree with what you’re saying.
I’m working at one of my dreams, but at the same time, know that I’m also living another part of it and try to treasure that everyday too without getting too caught up in what I want for the future.
I’m so glad you wrote this, I’ve been putting things off like ringing someone and sending work out. Its like you read my mind. Thanks for posting this vitual kick up the arse!!
Your blog post gave me a lump in my throat. So true, so true.
My little man is off to see ‘UP’ next weekend with his mate. So I’m going with my daughter. I shall pack the tissues - thanks for the warning.
Hugs, Kat
Nice post, very poignant. I want to see “Up”, but more I want to take my kids to Disneyland
Chris Routledge - oh yes, it’s true and ‘project panic’ surrounds me. Like you, I’m going to pinpoint my dreams and see what steps I need to take to make them happen… I loved your comment, very much.
megan - well said
Janette Jones - I really didn’t like ‘The Notebook’ and think this is so much better! Get on with those dreams, missy!
DJ Kirkby - this loon sobs, lots!
Rosie Scribble - my 6 year old cried, but she still enjoyed it. My boys really loved it and laughed loads.
Meijin - I think we all need an ‘Adventure Book’ - I’m going to work on mine.
Alison Wells - “We make all these plans but if not now, then when?” Exactly. I am going to make myself a 5 year plan and put in all dreams and wishes too. Write, just do it.
Sue Guiney - a very wise and lovely comment. Isn’t it amazing that a film can have so much impact?
Debs carr - that’s the key, isn’t it, to find the balance and not to always live in the future. In my youth I know that I wished my life away. Now I am trying to look at the now and hold it close.
Lily Sheehan - feel free to come here, whenever you wish, and a virtual arse kick will be delivered.
Katina Wright - oh yes, take your tissues and let me know what you think.
zhisou - dreams and goals, I guess the key to success is the small steps taken to reach them.
xxx
lovely, lovely film…right up there in my top 3, have seen it 4 times and cried EVERY time ;O)
{ 1 trackback }