Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S - Guy Bass

(Note to reader: I have FIVE very special ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S’ sets (each contains a signed book, poster and postcard) to give away to FIVE lucky readers and all details can be found at the end of this post)

One night a year, Santa J. Claus delivers presents to the children of the world…but for the rest of the time, he’s protecting the world as the top secret agent of the Xtremely Mysterious Agency of Secrets (X.M.A.S.), dishing out his own brand of justice to the world’s most dastardly criminals.

Santa and his Little Helper, newly qualified X.M.A.S. agent Jingle Bells, are on the trail of Dr Cumulus Nimbus, who’s hell-bent on creating a new ice age…and Santa hates snow!

Can they stop the evil plot before the world is snowed under?

I wanted to write a really serious review for ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S’. I wanted to try and tell you how I loved hearing Middlest laugh out loud as he read it. I wanted to try and tell you how I had to wait for every other member of my family to read it before I ‘got a turn’ and I wanted to try and tell you how I reckon that ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S‘ is one of the funniest books that I’ve ever read. But now I’ve got you here, that all seems a bit lame and ordinary and not at all expressing just how VERY fabulous this book is.

Original, quirky, current and a bit bonkers, I highly and utterly and absolutely recommend ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S’ to you ALL (and especially those aged between 7 and 11).

You can buy ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S’ here.

BUT, before you rush off… I am so lucky to have obtained this EXCLUSIVE interview with Agent Jingle Bells:

So, Jingle, spill the dirt, what’s it like working for the Big Guy? Ripped wrapping, how can I put it into words? Hmm… So, you know when you wake up on Christmas morning and you’re SO excited ’cause you just can’t wait to open your presents and stuff your face with mince pies and roast turkey and play games and laugh until your sides hurt… but then instead you you spend the whole day getting shot at and nearly blown up? It’s a lot like that.

And can you give me any hints as to whether or not I’ll be on the Good List this year? To be honest, unless you’ve recently tried to take over the world, you’re probably okay. Uh… have you? I have to ask.

But, you see, when I was a little I asked for a SodaStream for 4 years running and I never got one. Any idea why? Creased Christmas cards! It can only have been the work of the fiendish Sir Filius Fizz! Fizz spent the 1980s stockpiling Soda dispensers for his ultimate weapon - The CARBONIZER! He used his meddlesome machine to create thousands of giant, airborne bubbles, which threatened to bring the world’s air traffic to a standstill! Santa really had his work cut out for him, popping all those bubbles. Fizz really got up his nose… Get it? Up his nose! Because - nose? Fizz? Oh, you’re harder to please than Santa!

So you claim to be Santa’s biggest fan. What makes you think that you deserve this title? Do you want to see my tattoo?

And how do you feel about all those who say that Santa doesn’t exist? (I know, how ridiculous are they!?!) I guess it goes to show that the Christmas Cover is working! THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS! Heh heh… suckers.

In your line of work you seem to be nearly getting killed quite a lot. What’s your favourite near-death experience so far? Sweltering snowmen, there are so many to choose from! Maybe being fired from an ejector seat into the middle of a pitched gun battle? No, wait - fighting a dozen heavily armed thugs on top of a giant bomb? No, hang on, being tied to a rocket and blasted into space? No, wait…

And as the season fast approaches, do you think that Christmas tree baubles should be all one colour or multi-coloured? I like to keep things classy and sophisticated, so maybe just a few red baubles to compliment the green off the tree. And maybe a little blue. And gold. And some silver and purple and orange. Then throw a little pink, yellow, purple and turquoise in there and you’re all set for a truly understated Christmas!

I’m asking for roller-skates this year, what’s on your Christmas list? All I want for Christmas is Justice! Oh, and a new bike.

And, finally, does Santa happen by any chance to know Simon Cowell? The Naughty List is constantly being updated, but yeah, Cowell’s on there somewhere - no doubt.

And, for those who have been keeping up with their adventures. Here’s “TEAM CHRISTMAS” Training Video - Episode 5:

And, finally, I have FIVE very special ‘Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S’ sets (each contains a signed book, poster and postcard) to give away to FIVE lucky readers. Simply leave a ‘please pick me’ comment by 3pm (GMT) October 4, then I’ll pop all names in a mug and ask a small child to select 5 winners. This competition is open to all.

*

About the author: Guy Bass is an award-winning author, whose children’s books series include Dinkin Dings, Secret Santa: Agent of X.M.A.S., Gormy Ruckles and Alien Invasion!/Alien Escape! In 2010 he won a Blue Peter Book Award for Dinkin Dings and the Frightening Things. He lives in London with his wife and no dog - yet.