I have a daughter, I adore her.
A couple of years ago I took her to a birthday party. The parent was playing a Jessie J CD as the children roller-skated. I can still remember the wave of disquiet spreading across a bunch of mums as Jessie J swore in a song and it boomed around the room. I remember smiling.
Perhaps, as a responsible parent, I’m wrong not to protest about swearing in songs. I love language, I felt (and still feel) that the chosen words were perfect for the context of the song. And for the past few years my daughter has listened to Jessie J, perfected dance moves and stuck Jessie J posters to her bedroom wall. I know that some parents won’t let their daughters listen to Jessie’s songs, that decision based on a few ‘inappropriate’ language choices and other factors that baffle me. I am not one of those parents.
My daughter thinks that Jessie J is amazing and I absolutely agree.
It’s 2013, the world isn’t at all like it was when I was little, I’ve already spoken about cyber-bullying and every day I see reports that terrify me. Most mums are struggling to adapt and keep up. I am thrilled that my daughter sees Jessie J as a role model. Not being about alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, Jessie J is about following dreams and self-belief. Her view of life is that each day should be grabbed, that negativity should be avoided and ambition embraced. She’s all about strength, ambition and being comfortable in your own skin. She has talked openly about being bullied as a child, about surviving a stroke, she shaved off her hair for Comic Relief’s Red Nose Day (raising at least £500,000). Jessie J made a statement about beauty and about how easily lives can alter.
Last week on Twitter she said:
“So I’m seeing this weird debate on my pictures and people saying “you have small boobs” yes I do and I have very long legs and a small waist and small shoulders and size 6 feet! And I am proud of what I have! All girls should embrace what makes them unique. Stop being so negative about each other! Be proud! Boobs or no boobs.”
This, for me, has highlighted how social media in 2013 gives some people a critical voice, raises their sense of self-importance and lets those people think they’ve a right to judge others on their appearance. Society’s need for perfection and an idolised beauty that doesn’t exist horrifies me. I want my daughter to love her body, not to have a dysfunctional relationship with it in a constant quest for an image that can’t ever exist. Growing up is difficult, looking or feeling different is highlighted and exposed through social network sites. It alarms me.
I imagine Jessie J’s parents are bursting with pride. But, mainly, I love that she uses her voice to help young people, she says the words that parents will try to say but lack the weight of experience. How can we, as parents, understand what it’s like to be growing up in a world that is governed and dictated by social media? I wish there were more young women in the public eye who were like Jessie J.
And, yesterday, as a special birthday treat, I took my daughter to her first ever gig - Jessie J performing at Chester Rocks.
Chester Rocks had a festival vibe to it. People in wellies, with flowers in their hair and face paints dotted around their eyes, wandered around the fairground rides and ate candyfloss. Charlie Brown, Amelia Lily and Lawson performed, people danced and smartphones were held high.
Then came Jessie J.
Her performance was full of energy, humour and charm. She bounced, she had her audience captivated. She talked on stage, told her young audience to surround themselves with those who love them and to only listen to their voices. She spoke about letting the haters hate, about that need to be true to yourself and to follow your dreams. My daughter was riding high on her brother’s shoulders, I watched her smiling at Jessie’s words.
16 Comments
I don’t really agree with stopping children listen to certain kinds of music, I’m not sure how that helps. If I had a problem with swearing in a song I’d talk about it with them but not stop them. I don’t really have a problem with swearing anyway though, you can’t shelter them from it, but teach them that they are just words. We need to take the power away from them. They are going to come across far worse than Jessie J lyrics in their lives.
There are some far worse stereotypes a young girl could have, we should be celebrating these, the Jessie J’s and not the spray tanned girls off reality shows who are famous for being famous. My girls love Jessie J and I’m pleased. They’re going to need all the help they can get, growing up in this society.
Glad you both had a nice time.
Totally agree with everything you’ve said - celebrating positivity is a must!
When I was a step parent, Rihanna was the pop star of choice for a 10 year old and I’d have gladly swopped for Jessie J. Better the odd swear word for me than someone who’s prepared to stay with a guy who beat her up. Plus ‘Price Tag’ is a cracking song.
Totally a cracking song. I know the dance moves and all the lyrics. I was rockin’ it last night
Unlike you I have no excuse for knowing the words of Jessie J’s songs, no daughter or sons for me, but I do know them and happily dance round the kitchen table with daft dogs. I like this young woman or at least the image I have heard and seen in the media, I love her passion and excitement for music. Yes she’s pop and could be dismissed as the next sweetie wrapper to be discarded but there’s steel and purpose in this woman which I suspect will see her have a long profession in the ‘music industry’ be that front of house or behind the scenes.
I think however you missed something, as role model she isn’t just a beacon for the girls but illuminates lives of brothers too I suspect; as much as they might deny this:0), no one could miss the joy that Jessie J brings to that sister or friend in school and savvy young men will listen to Jessie J’s words and understand the girls in their lives aint their mUm:0)
You’re a wise and wonderful woman Missy D-W and totally correct! I focused on my daughter for this post and didn’t at all consider all the sons out there who are also inspired by Jessie J. Thank you for drawing my attention to this! And, also, keep dancing my friend!
I recently taught a lesson about role models and had asked the Year 6 children to bring in a photo of someone they thought was a good role model. Most of their choices were good (Martin Luther King jr, David Beckham, Jessie J) but one girl had chosen Rhianna. Rhianna, IMO, is a terrible role model for young girls and we had a class discussion about it. Totally changed the lesson, but was very interesting. Anyway, sorry for the rant but my point is this: yes, Jessie J is an excellent role model for young people. Took me along time to get there, but I agree with every word you said x
As I respect and admire you as a parent of wonderful girls, I’m so glad you agree! x
Oh Iove Jessie J. She’s like a little ray of sunshine, and her songs totally cheer me up.
I’m so glad you had a great time at the concert, it sounds brilliant.
She is amazing live! It was a birthday treat that won’t be forgotten in a hurry.
Well said, Caroline.
Thanks Paul!
I don’t think you’re wrong if you don’t protest about swearing in songs. Swearing is out there, kids hear it all the time. You can’t shield them that much from it. Besides, when I was a prefect at school, I used to hear swear words from the first years that I didn’t even know existed! I think your approach where you talk about the use of swear words is much the best way.
I love how positive this post is about your relationship with Poppy and how good a role model Jessie J is for her. I’d like there to be more Carolines and Jessie J’s in the world but you’re both pretty special and unique people, so, as long as you both keep doing it your own way, the world will be a better place for that.
I totally agree with you, re the swearing! And thanks so much for your lovely comments about me Kath x
Parents should make the decision what they will allow or disallow their minor children to watch or listen. Having said thatI assume that most parents have set the standards and also taught their children the basics of a virtuous life. No, I am not talking about being a saint but to teach children the difference between right and wrong. Lies, cheating, stealing, being unkind and envy are wrong. Kindness, honesty, loyalty, striving for the best, industry, dilligence, studying and fulfilling promises made are good. Now as for swearing: I cannot stand teenagers whose every other word is an “fuck” “motherfucker” or “shit” or “ho” etc etc. I will immediately dismiss that child and especially if it is an adult. However, If some rock fell on someone’s finger and that person is in excruciating pain and starts rambling the alphabetical soup of curses, let that person be. Now I never listened to Amy Winehouse when she was alive. I was not paying attention. When she died, I read stories about her life and I was saddened by the loss. My friends told me that she wasted her life, who am I to judge? She succumbed to drugs and alcohol but those cannot erase the fact that she had sang beautifully. I listened to her songs and one particular song had swear words in it. I agree with you. The swear words in those song are in a context and not even important. People are not perfect. One has to decide what they wil tolerate and make the most out of something. If your daughter learns the good parts that will help her be a better person, let her be. The other parents can decide for their kids. Now I wonder what they will think of DH Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover? That is how I learned all those words.
Hi Ces - thanks so much for your comment! And yes, that’s exactly it - nobody is perfect. It’s all about choice and hoping that the right decisions are made.